The moon is round, glowing to its fullness, as if mocking me for harboring such darkness in my soul. The loneliness it eating at me. Every time, I turn my back, I feel like I just caught a foggy glimpse of Allen. I just want her to stand beside me, hold my hand and say that it will all end up just fine with an emphasis on ‘just fine’ like she used to do.
I want her to lay her head on my shoulder, a gesture that reminded me that I had someone to look after and that I had someone on my back. But, there is no one now. I try not peek into my future or even let a thought about it unchain itself. Because, the thought of loneliness burns me to a crisp.
I have a way of fixing it though and I can no longer hold from exercising it. I remember Allen telling me not to mess with fate or time, or whatever it was that held our universe in a balance, but I don’t see how anyone is working to create any order in our world. The guilt hasn’t subsided but my thoughts are weakening it, which is what is igniting my idea of tweaking with the timepiece.
I have been to a parallel universe before, just woken up in a different timeline but I panicked and set the timepiece back to my time. But, I know that if I go back to the time when Allen and I met in college just in a different universe, then I can save her from this day. According to my calculations, all events should unfold in a similar manner. And if they don’t do, I want to be with her, leading a married man’s life once again.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, reason is screaming for attention. But the screams are unheard due to the frenzied thoughts circling in my mind primarily. Some part of me has come awake, knowing that what I am going to do is rash and hasty, it hasn’t been thought out thoroughly.
But, the part that misses Allen is far stronger than all other second thoughts. I know what I am doing and damn the consequences if that means being in Allen’s arms again.
The lake near my house reflects the beauty of the moon and somewhere the crickets are chirping, just another night where my absence will go unnoticed. Out of anticipation of what’s to come, my heart races as fast as it can and my throat becomes parched.
I shove any doubt and guilt in the background, crush my cigarette under my foot, and get back in bed. I pull the timepiece from under my pillow and align its needles to a 6. A smile spreads across my face slowly, as the thought of seeing my wife again crosses my mind.