A thousand thoughts zipped through Anna’s mind as she sipped her coffee by the foggy window. She tried to stare past the fog that had settled to the bottom but nothing or rather, no one materialized. Sometimes, the petite girl wondered if she could stare her surroundings so hard that she could see between the lines. She wished to stare and think so hard, half expecting that her act would bring a revelation to her or maybe, just maybe, take her back in time and retrace her mother’s steps.
But, nothing happened. The night remained deadly silent with only the grandfather clock ticking in the background. In the piercing silence, even the clock’s hands sounded dangerous in their trek to marking another passing minute. Anna’s heart thudded at a rhythm with the ticking clock. Only her thought ran amok, desperate and wild, in search of her mother.
It had been three months and ten days to her mother’s disappearance. On the eve of October 27th, Anna returned home from work to find a cluttered apartment, same as she left in the morning. Except, it was empty. There was no one around. At first, Anna assumed that her mother had went for a walk or maybe she was late from her grocery shopping. So, she did not report anything upright.
It was only after midnight that worry started to poke its ugly head in the back of the young girl’s mind. She stood her ground against any negativity though. And, slept on an empty stomach. The next day, Anna made calls, one after the other. Her mother’s phone was dead, no ringtone at all, as though no one owned the digits. Next, she made calls to all her aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends.
She rang to every person her mother might have known, but she got no lead on her location. Anna sent silent prayers to whoever would listen to her cries. Days bled into nights that shifted from one week to another. Until it was three months and ten days. The police found no trace of her mother, not even a single sign.
Now, Anna was left to choose between different negative thoughts. Except, some part of her still hoped to see her mother’s smiling face at her doorsteps. So, she stared out her window every second she could, hoping that her mother would come back. Before the weather got very chilly, Anna would sit in her yard hoping that her mother would come back.
All her efforts were to no avail though. Her tears had almost dried but the worry of her mother’s disappearance was becoming a living, breathing entity in her soul. There was no trace of her mother like time, itself, had erased her existence.
With a thin layer of hope bubbling her fragile, negative thoughts, Anna went to bed with the neighbor’s dog barking in the middle of the night. It was then that Anna realized that the dog had never barked like that in the night prior to her mother’s disappearance. The realization tried to click something in place but before anything could make sense, Anna fell asleep.
Anna woke up with a shiver as a nightmare of a dead mother tortured her. She didn’t want to believe it at any cost. Yet, a part of her wished that she could at least have some confirmation. It was then that the girl walked out of her house and started digging the area under the plants that were her mother’s favorite. She dug until her fingers hurt with the cold and the effort. Finally, the tips of her fingers touched something unfamiliar. She unearthed harder to find a note.
Instinct told Anna that it was from her mother. Only after a few seconds, her eyes confirmed the signature. It was a suicide note, addressed to her, which confirmed that her mother was, in fact, long dead. But, surprisingly, her bubbly mother killed herself because she was depressed and couldn’t take it any longer.
Anna was shocked beyond her understanding. Her mind was blank as the pessimist thoughts decided to respect Anna’s moments of grief. Her feeling took a break too, as if, in a trauma of their own. Anna looked on, wondering how didn’t see any symptoms of her mother’s depression. Under her breath, she silently cursed herself for being such an ignorant daughter.
She sat in her spot for long. The cold breeze picked and succeeded in bringing the young damsel back to her reality. She wanted to respect her mother’s wishes to end her life but she only wished that her mother had been open to her so that she could have helped someway. Least of all, she might have known where her mother’s grave was.
