Dear Ben,
I know its getting very late in the night, I can hear the clock ticking outside. These dark walls look as though they hold some secrets inside, something that I should know, something that we should know. Because I know you are the only one who can understand.
So even if you just don’t believe me at this hour, in this moment, I need you to just say that you understand what I am going to tell you and you are believing it all. I want you to believe, it’s the only pinch of hope that’s left in me. I feel like I am walking along the edge of my sanity, whispering words that have no meaning, seeing things that I know are true, just that nobody is willing to believe me. I know you will and I need you to, please, that’s the only thing I can ask of you now. You know that I never asked for anything for most of our time together.
I wonder what happened to our life, maybe it was already too good to be true. And I should have seen it coming. It is partly my fault but I swear it is not the fantasy novels. These people don’t believe me, what I see is not anything that I have ever read before. But they keep insisting that I am dreaming. I really am working on a theory on this to see if they are lying or if I am the one lying to myself.
What I do is, I don’t sleep, I try not to so that I don’t see any dreams. But it is a failed experiment to be honest, sweets. It is flawed. Because no matter how hard I try to convince them that I need to stay awake, they don’t listen. Instead, they inject me with sedatives. I fight back but when the reality bleeds into dreams, I don’t understand.
It is late, I am writing so that I can tell when it comes, it must be there somewhere, I can hear it hiss. I also hear the keys scratching the walls, it is all echoing in my head, rebounding through the mirrors in my mind. I think it is here, it has to be because the knob’s turning, it cant’ be, I just need you to know that I love you and you are a strong…
Wake up…
Wake up…
wAke up.. wake up Ciara.. wake up for Nick.
A small tear rolls down my cheek. I knew that reading the letters was going to be hard but there is a difference in knowing a feeling and feeling it. I wish I could tell her that I believed her. I love her to bits but my helplessness speaks otherwise, I didn’t stand with her. I couldn’t be there with her. But I need to get a clearer picture of what happened with her to understand the present better.
